LO4: new version of improved script

In the new script i have added tones and shot types, this will help the actor understand the type of tone they should use and this also helps the audince show the emotions the actor is feeling.

LO5, task 2: response to client feedback

 
Brief

I was asked to create the script for my Unit 41 short film called After7/7, a story about how a young religious boy in Britten overcame his fears, it shows his path to get to where he is now and what gave him the courage to get there. I used real examples of scripts to help me do this, Scene 4.9: The room with a book (computer game script), Graphic5.1 A broadcast (TV news broadcast), Channel 4 documentary about eating disorder script and a radio drama script. I then got feedback from a client to help me improve my script.

Target audience

My target audience are 17 years old male but because I don’t have any actual graphics in my script that will harm anyone younger, I will aim for a 15 years old and over audience. For example in scene 9 of my script I had to show that one of the characters dies so instead of showing him getting stabbed I decided to go with the grocery bags falling and his hands hitting the floor with a voice over of the protagonist telling the audience how he dies get the point across without using any harmful graphics, this is called an enigma code. I went for a male audience rather than a female audience because the story is told from a male’s perspective, it shows his struggles and how he faced them, carl rogers (ideal self) I’m also aiming at an audience with a social grade of a B/C1/C2 who would have a medium disposable income, the places in my script are all in low income areas to show that the characters weren’t privileged and to show their struggles even more, this will help the audience connect with the characters and almost feel their struggles. 

What the client likes and dislikes/ how can I improve and why it's important 

From the feedback I got back from the client I found out that in order to improve my script I had to add the volume and bass to music and the parenthetical instructions of the dialogue to add more effect to the scenes. This is important because not only would it help the audience understand the narrative better, it would also help the actor understand how deliver each line.

Overall the client liked my script, she thought the storyline was really powerful and that it showed the struggles of teenagers in Briton finding their voice who have religious believes that isn’t always seen in positive ways. She also liked how the story is told from the protagonist’s perspective rather than news as it usually would.

Content of the script

The script language is written in both a formal and informal way. The character talks to the audience like they are having a peer-to-peer conversation but at the same time he's trying to inform them about an important subject that isn't talked about enough. Having both informal and formal text appeals to the audience because the majority of the audience I am aiming at are quit young and I find that younger audience are not that interested in educational things in there spare time but rather more chatty fun things, so this way it would be entertaining but also educational. The house style is set out like shooting script to make it easier to understand when filming the short film. The script includes the location and time of day at every new scene, under that in the left corner it has the shot type, special effects, camera angles, camera movement, camera direction and transition for shots. Under that it has a little description about the scene, what the characters are wearing and the set out. In the centre it has the characters name and their dialogue. The only thing I think I have missed off is the pitch of music and the way the character would deliver their lines. Setting out the script like this helps the director, actors and editor job much easier. It shows them what to do in each scene/ when the next scene is, camera work and how to perform the scene.

Legal and ethical issues 

According to the BBFC rating of films, my short film should be appropriate for children under 18. The BBFC say that a film that portrays violence, illegal drug use, dangerous acts or explicit images of sexual activities, which may cause harm to public health is only suitable only for adults over 18. My short film doesn’t show or include any of these acts making it suitable for a younger audience.
The main way viewers under 18 may be protected from any harmful and offensive material is through the appropriate scheduling of programming. 9pm watershed is the crucial point in time where materials that are not suitable for children should not be broadcasted. After the watershed is when these programmes would usually be broadcasted, parents are expected to take responsibility for their children’s viewing. My short film would be suitable to broadcast at 8pm because it is suitable for an audience over 15 but it also has a strong message aimed at young adults. This way both target audience would see it. 

Because I will be using music in my short film I would have to obtain permission from the publisher who own copyrights in a song in order to use that song. For example at the start of my short film I want a soundtrack from Spooky Black’s album to play in the background and in order to do this I would have to get in contact with him throw email to gain permission. I would have to use ASCAP to find the contact information for the music publisher. This is important because this way my short film wouldn’t be taken down or fined of copyright 

There won’t be any labels in the short film, but if there were I would have to get permission from all copyright owners. I would also have to get permission from the actors and privet land owners using a release and consent agreement, this gives me exclusive permission to record, edit and distribute my short film with there name, voice, or land. 

I will be using 5 different locations in my short film. 193 Wensley St. (house) I will be using different locations in the house for example attic, stairs, living room and front door, Wensly St. bus stop, local shopping centre, city centre train station, and Sheffield general cemetery trust graveyard. All the places I will be filming at are public so I would be able to film there freely except for the graveyard, I will be calling them up to ask for permission to film at their location.

The script is based on a real story that quite a few people have gone through, I’m trying to create a positive message so I think this would prevent slender, to make sure it doesn’t offend anyone in any way I will be double checking the film and removing/changing anything that would be seen as adhered or slander.

LO5, task 1: production plan for LO5

LO4, task 4: feedback from client

I had a meeting with the writers group to gain feedback for my script

LO4, task 2: Evidence of gaining client feedback

LO4, task 1: production plan for LO4

LO3, task 2: script

LO3, task 1: Production plan for LO3

LO2, task 5: production plan for LO2

LO2, task 5: Audience profile

John Hartley (1987) and Len Ang (1991) suggested that producers create invisible fiction or imaginary entities before creating a media product. This means that the producers will imagine the audience before making the produce so they have an idea of what short film would appeal to that audience. Sometimes they might make an audience profile and an imaginary entity. I did this for my short film After 7/7 . My target audience for my film are 17 years old male (BC1)

Isaac is an 17 years old student who is obsessed with trying to change how people think about things like equal rights, he wants everyone to have their rights and not to be judged because of who they are. He uses social media such as twitter to share his opinions and always up to date with what’s going on around him in society. As much as he loves changing the world, he also loves playing video games, watching films/short films and listening to his favorite bands Pulp and The smiths. 

 

LO2, task 4: Mood board that represents my short film

LO2, task 3: Mind-map of films

LO2, task 2: Group

I will be working by myself so I would have all the responsibilities of writing the script.

LO2, Task 5: inspiration

LET IT BE - a film by bertie gilbert (2016) (https://youtu.be/oSwItKu2Qz8)

A story about what happens when a broken relationship come face-to-face with death. The character 'Death' isn't what people would imagine her to be like, which inspired my short film. the editing is also really simple but becasue it's a interesting story, it fits really well
 
BOY short film (https://youtu.be/oSwItKu2Qz8)

a story about a transgender boy and how his mother didn't accept it. It shows how he tried to to run away from confrontation but then realized that that he was happy a boy and it doesn’t matter what people thought, he finally confronted his mom and the mom at first got angery but then slowly realized that it was the best for her son’s happiness. This storyline helped me a lot with coming up with my short film because I wanted to show the fear someone has for who they are and people not accepting them. then the people around them start to accept who people are even though they aren’t like them.

I’m beautiful short film (https://youtu.be/8jnWjkmSHRE)

Anther film that inspired me is one called ‘I’m beautiful’, it’s about a girl who shows what she has to do to fit what society thinks is beautiful, she starts with naming her perfections then going on to having surgery and all the unhealthy ways to be beautiful that she would have to go through just so someone wouldn’t call her ugly. In my short film I wanted to show what the character had to go through so that he wouldn’t be looked at differently. 

Cardbored boy

Cardboard boy's strong narrative inspired me to create a strong ending to my short film. The story about a little boy named Jamie creates a cardboard toy of his brother who recently passed away, it was a way to deal with his older brothers lost, he saw the box as his brother and would play and eat with it, this dad wasn't happy with what he was doing leading him to get rid of it and getting in a fight with his wife. The next day Jamie was outside playing with his brother box when a car came speeding past knocking the box. They bared the box and this way Jamie came to facts that his brother was gone. Jamie dealt with his situation in his own way but it didn't please everyone around him, in the end they came to facts with it and realized it was the best for him. With my short film I wanted to talk about how someone’s life style that is mostly hated and if the film is successful it would change that group of peoples mind.

LO2, task 1: Treatment and storyboard

treatment

Name of the documentary: 

After 7/7

Narrative/subject of the documentary:

This short film is about how someone’s life was affected by the London bombing in July 7 2005 and how people blamed others for something they didn't do because of their culture, it shows how the character had to change his appearance, name and move somewhere new, he tells a story of how a man he knew got killed a year later on the same day whilst wearing his traditional outfit because they believed that he was the reason for the attack, he goes on and tells the audience how the criminals never realized that the man they kill lost his own daughter in the attack. The protagonist then walks to the grave with some flowers in his hand and ending of a shot of the protagonist’s feet standing in front of two graves with a bunch of flowers with a little tag saying mum and granddad to revel that the two characters he was talking about was his mum and granddad.

Genre of my documentary:

 History/drama

Characters/organization/people:

The actors will get a copy of the script before hand to read through it and get to understand their character so when they are being filmed they would know what to do


Crew:

As I will be working by myself I will be directing and filming the documentary by myself but if I need help with a specific part I will get help from a family member (e.g. hold a camera whilst I hold another)

actors: protagonist - male actor: Rashad
                                 older male actor: Mustafa


Equipment:
 

-Movie camera

-Tripod

-Microphone

-Sound recorder

- Studio lights (if possible)

-Slider/glide cam (if possible)

Production schedule

Location

193 Wensley St (indoor house scenes) / B6086, Old Firth Park Library, Sheffield (bus stop)/ 10 Page Hall road (local shops), The Gatehouse, Cemetery Avenue (graveyard) / Church St, Sheffield (train station)

Storyboard

feedback sheets

LO1, task 3: Analysis of scripts

Style and content 

  

Every script is presented and written differently to suite the purpose of them. Video game scripts follow a flowchart to help players see all the different paths and options they can use, the players can use to plan out how the video/game review will end up like. Video games will feature synopsis as part of the gameplay so that the audience will understand more about the game and its goal. TV news broadcast script would have a running order of stories with headlines first because they are the most important, but sometimes have to change their facts due to the events, interviews also have plan questions that will fit the time slot they have. The layout of scripts would have specific directions under the dialogue to help instruct the actors/presenter and production team they also make the script much easier to understand and help the actor know exactly what to do. For example acting for drama scripts, SFX (special effects) and silent. Script layouts can also contain the visuals and sound such as videos, graphics, voice overs and music. The CW/ EDIT/ SFX/ GFX is in capitals and justified to the right which is called a shooting script, whereas the dialogue would be justified to the center show in the TV news broadcast script and the location information is justified to the left. 

  

The TV news report and documentary are both formal because they are trying to inform the audience and send out a message for example the documentary is trying to inform the audience about eating disorder, for example "most of these celebrities are slim or toned rather than plus size. This is a significant factor that can influence eating disorder" The news report also tries to send out a message about dropping out of school "educators say more and more students are dropping out - some at their parents' urging -  because they don't see the value of high school". The game and radio drama are both informal because they are used for entertainment purposes. The computer game uses a flowchart to show the player all the different ways they can play the game, the players can choose the one they like more or the most interesting way. Whereas the radio drama script is set out like a conversation which is justified to the center  " Mr Perkins: (OFF- pitching) hello....?! Samantha: (groans oh no. what does he want now? Jason: (whispers) who is he?" 

  

All the scripts should be written in 12 pt Courier font as it is the stylistic convention of scripts. The only script that has used this is the radio drama script to make it more functional, whereas the rest of the scripts are not set out like that because they might be more flexibility with those types of media products. The TV news production team would make sure the presenter/interview know what kind of language to use – formal, chatty and that they won’t say anything inappropriate but TV news scripts wouldn’t usually use description as they are real life non-fictional events. The radio drama script would instruct the voice actor how to speak from what accents they should use to the style of language (formal, slang or chatty) to help the audience understand and get a visual image of the actor. In the documentary script there will usually be a character description at the beginning of the scene in brackets to help the production team know how the writer wants the actor to look and act. Most scripts use abbreviations to make the script neater and easier to use for example, if at a point in the script it uses sound effect it would be indicated with ‘SFX = (sound effect e.g. doorbell)’ , this would justified to the right. Some scripts don’t use it as it can be distracting, for example all 4 scripts I’m analysis. Most scripts will use quotation marks to show the presenter or character what to say for example in the computer game script there is a box with the character’s name and what to say in quotation marks “hero: “hey! This is a super-secret book of top secret codes and ciphers that I need, however the TV news broadcast script has what the presenter has to say in capital letters and what the people that are getting interviewed in green writing with quotation marks, “HER DREAM IS TO BECOME A PHYSICAL THERAPIST”. The documentary is written out like a speech that is been given out to a group of people so the presenter just needs to read through the script but make it more interesting by using face body language. The radio drama script has the character’s name in capital letters next to their lines, 

 “SAMANTHA   (groans) oh no. what do you want now? 

  JASON              (whispers) who is he?” 

                                                            

  

The mode of address is about how the text speaks to the audience to get their point across. Depending on the purpose of the script the mode of address can vary. For example, the computer game script and the documentary would have a peer to peer mode of address because it’s supposed to entertain and show them how to play the game.  And the TV news script would have more of a teacher to pupil mode of address because it’s more formal and informative, whereas the radio script is meant to entertain the audience so it would have a peer to peer mode of address. 

  

Scripts use stage/location directions to help instruct what the actors and production team need to do. For example in the radio drama script it starts sound effects to help the audience understand where they are “sounds of birds-song, distant lawn mower, bees buzzing etc.” sound effects act as cues in radio drama scripts so they are really important because it helps instruct the actor when and how to speak, “SQUEAKY GATE OPENING Mr Perkins: (off-pitching) hello…?!” 

   

Narrative structure 

 Single stranded is a screenplay with one main protagonist usually in drama/TV based scripts to help the audience learn more about the main character, it also allows the audience to follow their journey and see thing from their perspective throughout the show. Multi-stranded scripts/dramas have more than one protagonist usually called a band of protagonists to make it more interesting and target at different ages, this helps the audience connect with different characters in different ways, and it creates a lot of spectacle. For example, the radio drama script and the news broadcast script. The radio drama scripts have more than one protagonist having a conversation with each other “ SAMANTHA: ‘yes please. And could you switch on the radio. I want to hear the forecast’ JASON: ‘I think you’ve missed it’ “ And the TV news script interviews people “ her dream is to become a physical therapist, and she can start collage soon ‘as soon as I can. As soon as I can get my GED.’“ the Channel 4 documentary only has one protagonist in the script but they tell you what others thought of a particular subject “We interviewed A level media teacher Milk Hatton…”  “SO, Milk Hatton seemed to conclude that…” Computer game script is a single stranded script, you follow the players’ journey the game. The character dialogue is part of the game so the script is still a single stranded script. The computer game and documentary script follows a linear order whereas the radio drama follows a non-linear script, this makes it more interesting and creates spectacle. The TV news broadcast script doesn’t follow the linear or non-linear order, it has a running order of stories from the most important story (headlines) to the smaller stories. TV news broadcast scripts always includes the 5 w’s. 

  

  

Genre 

  

There are so many genres from drama, horror, romance, crimes and so on. All genres have sub genres, which mean a genre within a genre, Barry Keith Grant (1995) suggested that this allow audience to identify them specifically by their familiar specifics and what becomes recognizable when looking at characteristic. The computer game script is a fictional adventure script, this is show in the flowchart “hero: “Hey! This is the super-secret book of top secret codes and ciphers that I need!’  Both the documentary and TV news broadcast script are non-fictional scripts that are in the reality genre, they both try to inform/educate their target audience for example, (documentary) “If left untreated, it could lead to depression, obesity or anxiety” (TV news) “Educators say more and more students are dropping out…” The radio drama script is a fictional drama script, they are used to entertains people “SAMANTHA: (groans) oh no. What does he want now? JASON: (whispers) who is he?” 

  

Target audience 

  

Target audience is one of the most important things to consider when writing a script. The radio drama and computer game script are both aimed at different audience, for example the computer game script is aimed a niche teenage audience mostly male because of stereotype that suggest male play more video game than female, their life style would be playing games and they would most likely buy games with the spending money of their parents with a social grade of B/C1, whereas the Radio drama is aimed at a niche older audience, however they are both used for entertainment as a form of escapism from work, college or school. 

  

The BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) provides age ratings for films and documentaries in order to protect the audience from any harm or offensive language. The documentary script is aimed at a mass audience mostly both female and male teenagers ages 14-19 in school and college, this is because the script mentions students in school and social media (used by teenagers the most) “70% of students” “How media can affect eating disorder“ “In teens, about 17% of male and 21%of female are affected (binge eating)” it also could be aimed at parents and teachers from the A/B/C1 background because they might want to inform them about the topic. The TV news broadcast script also has a mass audience of parents/young adults both female and male who want to know information and what is going on, I know this because in the script it talks about how someone’s life got affected by dropping out of school and how they had to go back to get their dream job.